Mind & Body

Finding the Love of Your Life

The search for a soulmate begins with a long, thoughtful look inside yourself. Is there room there for a partner?

Finding the Love of Your Life
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There are only three questions that, as a practicing intuitive, I can count on being asked: What is my purpose? Will I be financially secure? and When will I find love? Invariably, the latter takes top priority.

Most people believe that the love they long for is "out there somewhere." They think they have to start doing something new and different to broaden their window of opportunity, something that will improve their odds of finding a soulmate. It's true that being more sociable and making an effort to meet new friends is important. But before you sign up for tango classes or join an online dating service, I suggest taking time for some serious self-exploration. The search for love, I believe, begins within you.

Each of us is unique. There never has been, nor will there ever be, another person exactly the same as you. By valuing and developing your own distinctive qualities, you cultivate an inner richness, confidence and self-reliance. And those attributes attract others to you.

Finding a partner is not about filling a void in your life or completing yourself, but about stretching and going beyond your limitations. By choosing to become as whole as possible, you gain the emotional strength to open yourself to the possibility of meeting the love of your life anywhere and anytime.

an unexpected match
One evening several years ago, I locked eyes with a new friend as he sat beside me on my sofa. Until that moment he was just an acquaintance whose energy, conversation and company I enjoyed. Only the night before, I had been thinking about how happy I was with my life. For an instant I had even wondered if a man would fit in.

Yet, that night, sitting next to Michael, my heartbeat picked up, my eyes softened their focus, and I noticed that a thin veil seemed to hang between us. I let it lift away, and I recognized the man who was destined to stand beside me, show me strength I didn't know I had, confront me with my own blindness, and see what I could not see myself. Not until that moment did I know that he was my future partner.

Neither Michael nor I had put our life on hold while we waited for our "perfect" partner to arrive. We each spent quality time alone, trying to understand what we wanted in a relationship, and why our previous relationships had failed. Individually, we had concluded that we would do what we wanted in life, with or without a partner.

I also visualized my future, said affirmations, acted as if my partner had already arrived, and asked spirit to bring me the love that was perfect for me.

getting ready for love
There are specific steps you can take to lay the groundwork for meeting your soulmate. Your personal challenge is to use these suggestions to examine your own life and open yourself to new possibilities. Be receptive and accessible, and don't be surprised if your soulmate turns out to be nothing like you expected.

- Shed your own limiting notions of yourself: looks, talents, likes and dislikes. Relationship is about loving and accepting yourself enough to accept another unconditionally.

- Make space for a partner. Literally. Starting with your bedroom, remove any clutter. Is half of your bed filled with papers or clothes waiting to be put away? Clear off the bed and open up the area underneath it. Can you now walk to your bed unimpeded?

- Clear your bedroom of the past. If a former relationship involved a lot of tension, there may be a subtle, negative energy remaining in the bedroom. Take a cup of sea water and walk around the room. As you sprinkle droplets of the water, say, "I purify this space. I invite love in." Complete this symbolic ritual by treating yourself to new linen.

- Make space in the bathroom. Is there room for the toiletries of a second person? Buy a second toothbrush in anticipation of the arrival of your partner. (If this suggestion seems too far-out, you may be harboring a belief that love will not happen to you.)

- Make room for another person. Are you too busy for love? Before I met my husband, my social calendar had been completely filled. There was no space for him when he did show up. Only when a girlfriend left town did I free up time for us to get together.

- Observe your thoughts. Beliefs that you hold about love or partnership will fuel your behavior. Anytime you hold generalizations like "All men just want sex" or "All women are catty," you are off-center, repelling the partner you wish to attract. What you see in others, you draw to you.

- Let go of preconceived notions about how your prospective partner might look, or what kind of work he or she might do.

- Write a letter to your "ideal" partner, expressing thanks for the joy of the relationship. Write the letter in the present tense, as if the person is in your life now.

- Do what you love. Your partner may also love it or will simply take pleasure in your happiness.

- Consider the principles of feng shui. The rear right corner (as you face into your house from the front door) represents your ability to draw a loving relationship into your life. Is it empty or cluttered? Clean this area well, and hang up two red hearts, two plants or two pictures side by side.